Previously on TheAngryPen:

09-12-2000 2 Parties

08-18-2000 Al’s Acceptance

08-10-2000 Gore’s Choice

08-03-2000 The American Dream

07-20-2000 History and Hollywood

07-13-2000 40 Acres and a Mule

07-06-2000 The God We Trust

06-29-2000 Lyrical Assault

06-15-2000 Bank Fees

06-07-2000 A Mixture Often of Incongruous Elements

05-24-2000 Social Security

05-17-2000 Governmental Good Intentions

05-10-2000 Johnny Reb and Disgusting Fatbodies

05-03-2000 Low Fidelity

04-26-2000 Jackboots and Black Helicopters

04-19-2000 Movie Trailers

04-12-2000 All Things Cuban

04-05-2000 Censorship

03-29-2000 Juries and Tobacco

03-22-2000 Several Things

03-15-2000 Gore the Reformer

03-08-2000 Mission to Mars

03-08-2000 Super Tuesday

03-03-2000 Little Johnny Murderer

03-01-2000 Bob Jones

02-23-2000 The Christian Coalition

02-16-2000 Valentine's Day

02-09-2000 Short-Sighted Political Parties

02-02-2000 Mosh Pits

01-12-2000 Al Gore's Personality

11-17-1999 Playboy

09-02-1999 The Demise of Heavy Metal

	TheAngryPen vs. Bob Jones

The Pen once had a public speaking course in college where his professor urged his students to start their speeches with a joke or funny anecdote... you know, just to make sure your audience is with you. Well, the Pen has no such fears here, but he's gonna start off today with a little story he heard over the weekend, nevertheless. And rest assured, it's a howler.

There's a story circulating in the press alleging that Pat Robertson, the Doug Neidermeyer of the modern political process, actually had the balls to urge his supporters to call Michigan voters with the "news" that John McCain is a "vicious bigot" because he dared to criticize George W. for making a speech at Bob Jones University, now infamous for its anti-Catholic, anti-interracial marriage stance. "Vicious bigot?" Hee hee. Hey Pat, This is the Pot calling, just wanted to letcha know…you're black.

"How can there be peace when drunkards, drug dealers, communists, atheists, New Age worshipers of Satan, secular humanists, oppressive dictators, greedy money changers, revolutionary assassins, adulterers, and homosexuals are on top?"

--Pat Robertson,
The New World Order, p.227*

"Many of those people involved with Adolph Hitler were Satanists, many of them were homosexuals--the two things seem to go together."

--Pat Robertson,
"The 700 Club," 1/21/93*

"The Constitution of the United States, for instance, is a marvelous document for self-government by the Christian people. But the minute you turn the document into the hands of non-Christian people and atheistic people they can use it to destroy the very foundation of our society. And that's what's been happening."

--Pat Robertson,
"The 700 Club," 12/30/81*

But Pat is crafty about his bigotry. You won't find any of these quotes on the 700 Club website or at The Christian Coalition's website. You will however, find the following, under a link to a prayer for protection from "sexual deviance." Writes Pat, "those who do not carry HIV can, with little concern about infection, welcome those infected with HIV to join in all normal social interactions at the workplace, in their homes and in church." Awww, how nice. He's a real softy that Pat.

Yet, The Pen digresses.

The real issue here is should McCain, or the rest of us for that matter, really worry about what Bush's appearance at Bob Jones University might mean about George's own racial and religious views? Well, let's talk about it. What exactly is going on over at good ole' B.J.U. anyway?

Well, first of all, they do seem to have a problem with Catholics, which doesn't really make them unusual. But the nice folks over at B.J.U. do it in a particularly nasty way, calling them really mean stuff, like "a satanic cult." Which strikes me as funny in the same way that a Redskins fan suggesting that a Cowboys fan was part of a satanic cult would. Given that the Protestant sects are all offshoots of the Catholic Church in the first place, how could Catholics be Satanists while Protestants remain good Christ-fearing people? Seems like a kind of fundamental difference, if you ask The Pen. I mean, what are we supposed to think happened? The Catholics who wanted to worship Christ woke up one morning and said "Holy Shit Martha! Ya ever really listen to these Catholic prayers? I think we been worshippin' Satan all this time!", and then went off to become Protestants? Seems far-fetched to me. But then, so does Creationism, so maybe I'm not the one to judge.

The faithful over at Bob Jones U. don't seem to care much for the idea of inter-racial marriage either. And although this is an unfortunate opinion to have here in the new millenium, this also does not make them unusual... especially in the South.

Which leaves us with what, exactly? Well, as far as their right to believe what they want to believe goes, thanks to the First Amendment, it is not yet illegal to be an asshole in this country. So really, all the folks over at B.J.U. can be accused of is exercising their God-given rights as red-blooded Americans. Nothing unusual about that.

What is unusual about Bob Jones University is that, so far anyway, they represent the only openly bigoted organization to draw an election-year address from a major Presidential Candidate. And once you agree that Bob Jones and company have the right to say or believe whatever they want to, you're left with only one conclusion, distasteful though it may be. I'm afraid that you must do the unthinkable and conceed to Pat Robertson on one small point: as an electorate, we shouldn't be so concerned about the views of a handful of South Carolina bumpkins.

McCain's attacks on Bush are diverting public attention from the important issues, and putting it squarely on Bob Jones and his University. Which is, frankly, a waste of all of our time. The Pen thinks that if you have to consider anything about this incident at all, perhaps the fact that George Bush was willing to appear at B.J.U. in the first place is what we should be considering here, rather than the meat and potatoes of Bob Jones' assholery.

OK, so let's do that. George makes a speech at an openly bigoted institution in an effort to draw hardcore far right-wing Republicans back to his campaign and out to the ballot box. Does this make him a bigot? Of course not. It only makes him stupid. And being stupid is not illegal in this country either. And so we have what appears, to The Pen, to be a series of victimless social crimes. Well, misdemeanors anyway. So The Pen asks this of Mr. McCain:

Aren't there bigger issues we should be tackling right about now John? How about the fact that there is a Marine Expeditionary Unit on its way to Kosovo right now to finish the job that Clinton and Gore promised us they'd finished last year? How about the fact that the current market-based economic boom, while fabulous, hasn't exactly increased the number of day traders in the 'hood? What about Gore and the rest of the Democrats' seeming addiction to the concept of forcing us all under the umbrella of their own "we know what's best for you" socialized medical plan? Let's talk about this stuff instead of debating a question whose answer we already know... George Bush is many things, but he is not a bigot.

And while we're at it, Mr. McCain, Bush has apologized for his stupidity and seems, for the moment at least, sufficiently cowed. So if, as the polls suggest, Americans are growing weary of the mean-spirited "attack campaigns" you two guys are running, don't you think it might be a good idea to take the high road and drop the "George is a Catholic-hater" attacks? Seems like the Christian thing to do, and you never know, you might get more votes from people who admire your refusal to wallow in the mire of mud-slinging.

Johnny, The Pen loves ya, but let this one lie.  
 

A PRIMARY NOTE: For those of you in California who have not yet decided who you will vote for in the Republican primaries, the Pen suggests the following: Folks love a tight race, and as long as the McCain v. Bush race stays close, there won't be any room in the news for Al Gore. And since Presidential campaigns live and die by the amount of publicity they receive, let's try and think about that before anyone rushes to jump on the Bush bandwagon and eliminate McCain from the race.  

*The Anti-Pat Robertson / Christian Coalition Site