Previously on TheAngryPen:

09-12-2000 2 Parties

08-18-2000 Al’s Acceptance

08-10-2000 Gore’s Choice

08-03-2000 The American Dream

07-20-2000 History and Hollywood

07-13-2000 40 Acres and a Mule

07-06-2000 The God We Trust

06-29-2000 Lyrical Assault

06-15-2000 Bank Fees

06-07-2000 A Mixture Often of Incongruous Elements

05-24-2000 Social Security

05-17-2000 Governmental Good Intentions

05-10-2000 Johnny Reb and Disgusting Fatbodies

05-03-2000 Low Fidelity

04-26-2000 Jackboots and Black Helicopters

04-19-2000 Movie Trailers

04-12-2000 All Things Cuban

04-05-2000 Censorship

03-29-2000 Juries and Tobacco

03-22-2000 Several Things

03-15-2000 Gore the Reformer

03-08-2000 Mission to Mars

03-08-2000 Super Tuesday

03-03-2000 Little Johnny Murderer

03-01-2000 Bob Jones

02-23-2000 The Christian Coalition

02-16-2000 Valentine's Day

02-09-2000 Short-Sighted Political Parties

02-02-2000 Mosh Pits

01-12-2000 Al Gore's Personality

11-17-1999 Playboy

09-02-1999 The Demise of Heavy Metal

	TheAngryPen vs. Johnny Reb and Disgusting Fatbodies

Just when you thought it was once again safe to call people stupid when they really deserve it, to let your dog crap on a city sidewalk, to cross against the light, to smoke a cigar in the Getty Museum--to, in essence, do all those things that make us Americans--Political Correctness comes back with a vengeance.

Got a coupla tales from the front for ya:

Let's start in The Pen’s home state of Virginia, where Governor James Gilmore is under siege by the NAACP for his designation of April as Confederate History Month. Gilmore inherited the annual springtime proclamation from his predecessor, which has since been amended to include a condemnation of slavery, but has been reluctant to drop the designation because of its obvious historical significance.

In an attempt to equate an historical remembrance proclamation with the flying of the Confederate flag over the state capitol in South Carolina, NAACP chief strategist Salim Khalfani is threatening a national tourism boycott of Virginia, the way they’ve already done in South Carolina.

First of all, it’s not the same thing. In the case of South Carolina, because the Confederate flag is not in official use, it could be convincingly argued that the flag’s presence atop the state capitol served no purpose other than to make a very specific point, one that was offensive to some... that the Confederacy is alive and well in South Carolina.

But the same cannot be said, or at least should not be said, of dedicating a month to remembrance of a period of incredible historical significance, not only for its defining moments in the history of this nation, but for its dark and brutal side as well. It seems to The Pen, that the NAACP would like to rid our public consciousness of anything Civil War related in order to spare African-Americans the trauma of having to face the realities of the institution of slavery.

Problem is, you do that, and whites will be spared the horror of facing what their forefathers did as well.

Which brings The Pen to his main point: our kids are already functional idiots when it comes to history; why make the situation worse by refusing to allow a state government to make mention of one of the seminal periods in American history simply because it also included one of the darkest? Hell, I’ll go you one better, let’s give the Neo-Nazis what they want and stop talking about World War II as well, because hey, why relive that pesky Holocaust thing over and over again? It’s old news already.

Go rent Fahrenheit 451 for a chilling look at a world where books, newspapers, and magazines are outlawed in order to protect citizens from difficult or disturbing realities, histories, and emotions and see if that seems like fun to you. What a bunch of ’tards.

Message to Gilmore... you really want to shut these mental numbnuts up? Just rename it “Civil War Heritage Month” so as to remove the stigma of the Confederacy from the proceedings, and let’s get on with it already. If we can’t have a month dedicated to Civil War history in the goddamn Cradle of the Civil War because it might offend somebody, well then The Pen weeps for the prospects of future American students and their knowledge of their own history... because we will be condemned to repeat it.

Item #2: From the Cradle of the Civil war, to the Cradle of Silly “Progressive” Thinking... San Francisco.

The nice folks over in America’s very own “Leftorium” have decided to add a clause to their equal protection laws, originally designed to give their citizens legal redress for racial or sexual discrimination. Well, now fat people can sue too. That’s right, if you’re horrifically fat and feel you’ve been discriminated against because of it, well now you can sue the bastard!

Never mind that black people can’t suddenly become white, or that women can’t suddenly become... OK, so women can do that, especially in San Fran, but that’s not the point. The point is that protecting people’s right to be fat is not why we have equal protection laws, and to pretend that it is, is to devalue the nobler reasons why those laws exist in the first place-to spit on everything that people like Martin Luther King risked, and sometimes lost, their lives for.

But perhaps that’s taking this more seriously than it deserves to be taken. After all, what’s the reason for this new sensitivity to obesity in the City by the Bay? Apparently, someone has discovered that fat people, on average, earn $7,000 less every year than the average skinny person. Well, of course! You wanna know why? Because we skinny folk need the extra cash to stay that way! Gym memberships are freakin’ expensive, not to mention gas to-and-from the gym, health supplements, higher quality food, and the time commitment involved. And so what if we do make a little bit more on top of all that? Well, I’ll take that as a bonus for having the personal fortitude to drag my ass to the gym three times a week, thank you very much. Because if you think The Pen enjoys spending all that time and money, especially after working a tough eleven-hour day, well then He’s got a thirty-foot Twinkie out back he’d like to sell ya.

I hate to keep saying this over and over, but once again, this is a personal responsibility issue. If you don’t like being fat... stop! It really is as simple as that. Nothing worth doing comes easy. Put down the Suzy Q and slowly back away. In fact, The Pen is going to be magnanimous. He will allow this law to pass on one condition. Every obese person who wishes to sue someone for discrimination must first submit to a review of their grocery purchase history. And if it can be proved that the plaintiff has purchased anything manufactured by Hostess within six months of the filing of the complaint, the case is automatically dismissed.

The whole idea is just... NutRageous!

Angry Pen out.