Previously on TheAngryPen:

09-12-2000 2 Parties

08-18-2000 Al’s Acceptance

08-10-2000 Gore’s Choice

08-03-2000 The American Dream

07-20-2000 History and Hollywood

07-13-2000 40 Acres and a Mule

07-06-2000 The God We Trust

06-29-2000 Lyrical Assault

06-15-2000 Bank Fees

06-07-2000 A Mixture Often of Incongruous Elements

05-24-2000 Social Security

05-17-2000 Governmental Good Intentions

05-10-2000 Johnny Reb and Disgusting Fatbodies

05-03-2000 Low Fidelity

04-26-2000 Jackboots and Black Helicopters

04-19-2000 Movie Trailers

04-12-2000 All Things Cuban

04-05-2000 Censorship

03-29-2000 Juries and Tobacco

03-22-2000 Several Things

03-15-2000 Gore the Reformer

03-08-2000 Mission to Mars

03-08-2000 Super Tuesday

03-03-2000 Little Johnny Murderer

03-01-2000 Bob Jones

02-23-2000 The Christian Coalition

02-16-2000 Valentine's Day

02-09-2000 Short-Sighted Political Parties

02-02-2000 Mosh Pits

01-12-2000 Al Gore's Personality

11-17-1999 Playboy

09-02-1999 The Demise of Heavy Metal

	TheAngryPen vs. Social Security

A few days ago, George Dubya unveiled his plan to save Social Security (which Al Gore immediately--perhaps even before he knew what it was--called a “risky scheme.”). The plan involves allowing citizens the option of putting part of their Social Security withholdings into private securities, thereby allowing all of us to ride the stock market wave, which is the only thing guaranteed to ride out even the worst of economic times (even the Social Security System can’t claim that).

This would have the effect of letting the masses into the Country Club. How populist of George. I honestly think Al is against it because he’s pissed he didn’t think of it first. How dare a Republican come up with an idea that might actually help those on the economic margin! Well, Al could’ve thought of it first. He had the idea in his hands as early as 1995. Want the proof?

I submit to you a world-famous “Angry Pen” letter written to Al’s boss Bill five years ago. Why Bill never bothered to pass along to his Vice President such a valuable piece of citizen-sponsored idea-creation, the world will never know (I even cc’d him, for crissakes!). But Al’s loss is George’s gain. Perhaps Dubya was picking around in Bill’s trash and happened upon the Pen’s missive. Maybe Newt Gingrich was clearing out his garage and passed it along. We may never know.

Anyway, here it is. And never let it be said again that The Pen is not ahead of his time:

April 22, 1995

President Bill Clinton
The White House
1600 Pennsylvania Ave.
NW Washington DC, 20500

Dear Mr. President,

I am a twenty-three year old California resident, employed by one of the largest talent agencies in Hollywood. I attended college at Syracuse University, paid for it myself (no financial aid thank you very much), and graduated at the top of my 1993 class with not one, but two degrees, one of them in business. Based, partly on my business expertise, though mostly on simple common sense, I have a proposal to make to you. My ideas will almost certainly seem radical at first, but I promise you, give them some thought, and you will come to believe, as I do, that they make a lot of sense.

In tax year 1994, the Federal government took nearly one thousand dollars out of my hard earned paycheck with the theory that when I turn sixty-five, I will be able to access this money for my post-retirement use. Of course we both know the truth, that this money is being used to pay the country's current Social Security bill and may not be there at all when I reach retirement age (recall that I am currently twenty-three years old). I believe I have a better, more cost effective, solution.

Instead of taking that money out and putting it into the Social Security Trust Fund, I would like to ask your permission to divert these monies into the Individual Retirement Account of my choice. If you don't trust me, I would even be willing to provide you with account and payment information so that you can deposit these monies directly. In return, I would be willing to sign a sworn affidavit absolving the United States Government of any responsibility for paying Social Security benefits, of any kind, to me after I retire.

I know this sounds radical, but think about how this solution benefits us both. With my plan, when I turn sixty-five, in the year 2037, there will be one less person drawing off the Government's ever decreasing resource base. That's one less person you will be responsible for Mr. President. From my point of view, the total dollars that will accrue to me through the use of a private IRA account will vastly exceed the amount I would receive from the current system, even after years of receiving the largest Social Security benefit allowed by law! We both win Sir.

Now I could go on and on about my ideas for a grandiose plan wherein each American would be given the choice between mandatory direct deposit of these deductions from each paycheck into an IRA, and continued contribution to the current Social Security system. I only wish my intentions were that philanthropic. But alas, I must admit that in the end, I'm afraid it's only my own best interests that I am concerned with. I am a responsible adult who is prepared to make the necessary plans that will provide security for myself beyond my retirement years. I do not need the Government's help for this and don't understand why I must be punished for the actions of the short-sighted among us.

I hope you understand that I am absolutely serious about this.

Thank you for your time, and good luck.

Sincerely,

Lawrence Theriot

cc:	Vice President Albert Gore
	Congressman Carlos J. Moorehead
	Speaker Newt Gingrich
	Senator Dianne Feinstein
	Senator Barbara Boxer
	Senator Richard Lugar
	Senator Phil Graham
	Senator Bob Dole

Needless to say, a response was not forthcoming. I don’t know why I should be surprised by this. I should’ve known I would have to wait for a Republican President to act on anything that practically affects our pocketbooks in a positive way.