Previously on TheAngryPen:

09-12-2000 2 Parties

08-18-2000 Al’s Acceptance

08-10-2000 Gore’s Choice

08-03-2000 The American Dream

07-20-2000 History and Hollywood

07-13-2000 40 Acres and a Mule

07-06-2000 The God We Trust

06-29-2000 Lyrical Assault

06-15-2000 Bank Fees

06-07-2000 A Mixture Often of Incongruous Elements

05-24-2000 Social Security

05-17-2000 Governmental Good Intentions

05-10-2000 Johnny Reb and Disgusting Fatbodies

05-03-2000 Low Fidelity

04-26-2000 Jackboots and Black Helicopters

04-19-2000 Movie Trailers

04-12-2000 All Things Cuban

04-05-2000 Censorship

03-29-2000 Juries and Tobacco

03-22-2000 Several Things

03-15-2000 Gore the Reformer

03-08-2000 Mission to Mars

03-08-2000 Super Tuesday

03-03-2000 Little Johnny Murderer

03-01-2000 Bob Jones

02-23-2000 The Christian Coalition

02-16-2000 Valentine's Day

02-09-2000 Short-Sighted Political Parties

02-02-2000 Mosh Pits

01-12-2000 Al Gore's Personality

11-17-1999 Playboy

09-02-1999 The Demise of Heavy Metal

	TheAngryPen vs. A Mixture Often of Incongruous Elements*

And they’re OFF!!!

The Pen has spent a lot of time coming down on the side of the anti-gun control crowd on these pages and, as a consequence, he is asked quite often what he thinks of the NRA. Are they too radical? Would The Pen ever join? Should they be sanctioned for their most outrageous statements and behavior? Well, to answer quickly and succinctly, the fact is that The Pen was a member for several years, though I eventually let my membership lapse because of, among other things, the stigma of that group’s increasing radicalization.

But the simplicity of that succession of events doesn’t accurately reflect the complexity of my opinion of the NRA as a whole. I believe that the NRA is made up of mostly good people standing up for mostly good things. I believe that many of the millions of guns in this country are handled, stored, and fired much more safely because of the existence of the NRA than they would otherwise be without. And finally, in these reactionary times, when the various slopes of Governmental regulation seem more slippery than ever, I believe that the NRA is often the glue that keeps us from sliding off the brink of governmental excess.

Someone once said of the American Civil Liberties Union that everyone hates the ACLU until they need them, meaning that it is exactly that organization’s extreme radicalization which makes it such a valuable tool. Often, being forced to compromise with the ACLU is exactly what leads to sensible precedent in this nation, where otherwise much broader and restrictive law might result. And while the Pen would never join the ACLU, I don’t feel so much like I have to sleep with one eye open, constantly on-guard for the safety of my personal liberties, precisely because those wacky ACLU-ers are out there.

As far as the future of gun control in this country goes, what will happen is this: the NRA will push as hard as it can in one direction, and the Government will push as hard as they can in the other. And what is likely to result from this colossal tug-o’-war, is sane, practical law that everyone, from nutso Pat Buchanan, to big fat Rosie O’Donnell, to the mothers of every single murdered Columbine student, can “live” with (please excuse the pun).

And, as they round the far turn!!!…

Ever notice how when some people leave messages on your answering machine, they sometimes start their missive with the word “yes”? As in… “Yes… this is God calling for Mr. Pen…”? What is that all about!? I said “leave a message”, not “can I help you?” It’s a statement, not a question. What does that “yes’ mean? What is that “yes” for? What does that “yes” want? More importantly, what are the circumstances under which they might say “no’?

Into the clubhouse turn it’s!!!…

I think Hollywood runs into a wall of indifference every couple of decades or so. What usually breaks through it is some kind of paradigm shift in the way movies are made. Sound broke the stagnation of silent film in 1929, color came along in the 30’s to do it again, and the special effects of Star Wars knocked the world of the summer event movie on its ass in 1977. I think we are way, way overdue for one of those now. Am I alone in the belief that the effects-as-plot device approach to filmmaking is not likely to hold the world’s interest for too much longer? Sure, Twister was impressive, Star Wars: The Phantom Menace, more impressive still. But how much longer are we going to be willing to fork over eight-to-ten bucks to see these special effects for themselves, without an equally impressive plot to go along with them, especially considering the fact that each new film brings successively more modest improvements in the look of those effects? Think about it this way: would you consider paying to see Twister 2?

And as they round the final turn into the home stretch…

The Pen asks this question: should we care if Al Gore is a Slum Lord or not? The Pen is tempted to say, “No.” See, while it’s true that Al owns the building in question and is, ultimately, responsible for the quality of life of those inside it… he IS the Vice President of the United States of America and, as such, has a few other things on his mind. That is, after all, why he pays apartment managers to watch over his holdings for him.

But then reality and sensibility set in and the temptation to let him off the hook fades like the gunshot from an illegally modified assault weapon in a thickly wooded valley.

And so, I must say this about ole Al the Slum Lord. If it were me, and the over-riding message of my Presidential campaign was that I had cornered the market on compassion in the political arena, I would make damn sure that the folks living in apartment buildings owned by me weren’t stuck using toilets that had a tendency to spray shit all over their bathrooms when flushed.

You see I, like the mainstream media, have a deep appreciation of irony. And I, like the mainstream media, tend to consider what people do in addition to what they say. Therefore, I think that if we are going to do things like call Newt Gingrich to task for his alleged mistreatment of a gay relative while he pushed the agenda of “Compassionate Conservatism”, or examine, with all the zeal of a proctologist on the trail of a particularly nasty rectal cyst, Henry Hyde’s illicit romantic past even as he pursued the details of misconduct stemming from a sexual scandal involving the President, then we damn sure ought to critique Al Gore’s personal behavior with the same finely tuned critical laser.

How about we start with the following question: Why, if Al Gore is so concerned with the stability and funding of America’s public schools, are his children attending an exclusive private academy?

Aaaaaaand… At the finish, it’s The Angry Pen BY A NOSE!!!

And those of you who know me… know it’s a big nose.  

*The Webster's definition of mélange