Oh my. This is one of the funniest things I've seen/read on the web. It's the Stinkymeat Project! The writing is outstanding, and the pictures are... well, you'll see.
posted by MES 2:48 PM ET | discuss | link

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Time for Laaz's "what not to see and why" column. The big "adult" opener this weekend is Road Trip which I've heard nothing but good things about... from fellow agents who just happen to rep. the director. My guess is this flick will float somwhere in the not quite as irreverent as Something About Mary and not quite as heartfelt as American Pie range. If you can live with that, I'm sure you'll like Road Trip. Personally, the "did you kill a cheatah?" line, and the sound the snake makes when it attaches itself to Tom Green, crack me up. Plus I think Sean Williams Scott is a movie star waiting to happen, so if you wanna be in on the ground floor and say "you were a fan when"... check it out.

As for the only other really big opening this weekend... talking Dinosaurs? I'm only interested in the angry, eating-guys-on-toilets kind, so thank you... no.

Oh wait, there's Small Time Crooks to discuss still isn't there? OK, two words... "Woody" and "Allen."
posted by LT2 12:43 PM ET | discuss | link

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I don't know if anybody besides me enjoys watching BookTV on the weekends on C-SPAN2, but here are some things coming up this weekend that sound interesting to me, with links to the books at Amazon (all times are EDT):

• The Virus Within: A Coming Epidemic: How Medical Detectives Are Tracking a Terrifying Virus That Hides in Almost All of Us by Nicholas Regush (2:25p Sat.)
• Master of Disguise: My Secret Life in the CIA by Antonio Mendez (4:40p Sat.)
• Database Nation: The Death of Privacy in the 21st Century by Simson Garfinkel (8:00a Sun.) - I've read this book; it's very good.
• Why We Buy: The Science of Shopping by Paco Underhill (4:10a Mon.)

posted by MES 12:29 PM ET | discuss | link

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I heard on NPR this morning that California Senator Diane Feinstein's challenger for the Democratic nomination is pandering to big labor by accusing Diane of voting in favor of the China Trade Deal because her husband owns some businesses that could potentially benefit from the deal. Now I never, ever expected to appear on this site defending Feinstein, but to that idiot Campbell and his Big Labor sugar mommies I say... that's the whole friggin' point you numbskulls!!! Nobody would be for this deal if American businesses--ALL American businesses--didn't stand to gain from it. Sheesh!

Now go off and enjoy your mandatory third coffee break of the hour.
posted by LT2 11:25 AM ET | discuss | link

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B-ball is on. So far our RSVP's include Adam, Paul, and Laaz. E-mail is going out. 10:30 as per usual. Laaz
posted by LT2 11:08 AM ET | discuss | link

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Thursday, May 18, 2000

I do this with Schwartz all the time... which is to say I alert him when particularly silly movie ideas come across my desk. And he suggested I pass them along to you. Here's a coupla classics:

1. Casper meets the Little Rascals (need I say more?)
2. Squirrelgeons (A loser who spends all his time in Central Park figures out a way for Squirrels and pigeons to mate, resulting in... Squirrelgeons)

Has Hollywood run out of ideas? That conclusion I leave to you.
posted by LT2 2:19 PM ET | discuss | link

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Joel Achenbach made me laugh, especially the fifth paragraph.
posted by MES 1:58 PM ET | discuss | link

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Just to show that the Pen is, once again, on the cutting edge of societal evolution, Clint Eastwood was on the Hill yesterday arguing against regulations requiring all small businesses to be handicapped friendly. Now, Clint doesn't say this in any way, but he's being political and I like to think that what he means is that a universal regulation doesn't make sense because there are small businesses that don't have any customer contact and small work forces, that shouldn't be forced to spend the money on huge handicapped renovations they will never use. The regs, I believe Clint would just love to argue, should be different for stores, hotels, and restaraunts than they are for small manufacturing firms and warehouses. Makes sense to me!
posted by LT2 12:57 PM ET | discuss | link

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Rizzo just sent me this MP3 Poster. Very funny.
posted by MES 11:40 AM ET | discuss | link

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Well, I saw U-571 last night. Now true, I was with an actual woman, so I wasn't exactly paying close attention, but as much as I tried to like it (for all my friends who say I'm a Hollywood snob and hate all films commercial... forgetting of course that Raiders of the Lost Ark is the reason I'm in this business in the first place), it sucked ass. It really did. I mean come on! It's at least 45 minutes before the crux of the movie even begins. Yeah yeah yeah, he was passed over for promotion. Do we really have to hear everyone on the boat give Matt his very own personal reasons why that sucks? And even then, once the fun begins, 15 minutes are wasted while our boys clear the Nazi sub room to room. I think after the 5th room where they kick down the door, almost get shot, but shoot the guys shooting, I had gotten the freakin' point already: clearing a U boat of Nazis is dangerous business. And for god's sake, how many goddamn times do we have to sit there and listen to the depth charges marching inexorably closer. Once was fine. Twice was pushing it. Oh but wait, let's have them go even deeper and do it one MORE time! UGH!!! (this of course, forgetting that we'd already seen the Nazis go through the same thing in the opening scene). The whole movie turned out to be about avoiding and sinking that one stupid boat. I saw that exact same plot on an old Star Trek episode which won an Emmy award back in the 60's. And I'm not even going to get started on all the reasons why none of that crap made any sense whatsoever. Let's put it this way, if that sub had as many holes as the plot, we wouldn't be having this conversation.

Oh, one more thing, I really enjoyed watching Harvey Keitel turn the magical "stop the boat from sinking" gauge that saved their lives in the final sequence. That was some real tension for ya there. Almost as clever (as plot devices go) as Jean Reno's "flame of translation" in Godzilla.

And to think, for a minute there, Adam almost had me convinced that I have a problem. Sheesh!
posted by LT2 11:37 AM ET | discuss | link

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Item! - Here's a possible explanation for why men don't like ER. I don't buy it, though. I hate doctors as much as the next guy, but I still like watching ER.

Item! - Here's a very good history of Gnutella (which, for those of you that don't know, is the Napster-like software that avoids some of the same legal problems by virtue of the fact that it isn't centralized. It also happens to be the only software that is partially named after my favorite chocolate-hazelnut spread.)

Item! - Roger Ebert writes about trying to get the check in a French restaurant. (The grandmother he mentions reminds me of the old couple in the restaurant near the Piazza di Spagna in '98.)

Item! - I just finished watching the Big Lebowski again, and I'm headin' ta bed. Catch ya later on down the trail...
posted by MES 1:31 AM ET | discuss | link

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Wednesday, May 17, 2000

FYI - for those of you in the movie business, a little warning. On paper, the name of the actor Jean Reno, looks just enough like the name of our Attorney General to cause some rather embarrassing public-speaking errors.
posted by LT2 5:43 PM ET | discuss | link

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And in the category of "most unfortunate name for an up-and-coming young actor. The Oscar goes to... the kid playing Wolverine in the X-Men movie."

Hugh Jackman!
posted by LT2 5:26 PM ET | discuss | link

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Did you know that all photo-developers are required by law to bring to the attention of the authorities any photos that they deem to be "child pornography"? I just saw a story on Fox News about two women who wound up in jail after taking pictures of their babies in bathtubs. Not to succumb to the panic-tactics of the network news shows, but as a topic of conversation, anyone think that the pimply-faced kid who barely speaks English over at the drugstore should have to power to send your ass to jail on his own whim?
posted by LT2 5:20 PM ET | discuss | link

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How's this for a news story that you just know doesn't go anywhere? "Tonight on Fox News at 11, we take you inside the Pacific Palisades party scene, where the new drug of choice could be turning this into an accident-waiting-to-happen. Party 'till you drop... dead."

I mean hell, they're not even willing to go far enough out on the limb to say it already has become an accident waiting to happen. Just that it could...
posted by LT2 5:03 PM ET | discuss | link

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Oh, by the way, here's that Wired article about High Tech Everest Expeditions.
posted by MES 3:52 PM ET | discuss | link

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Hee Hee, says Laaz
posted by LT2 3:35 PM ET | discuss | link

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WHAP! EUREKA! EEK! The new $600 million Relativistic Heavy Ion Collider could solve some of science's deepest secrets. It could also accidentally destroy the universe.
posted by MES 2:32 PM ET | discuss | link

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OK, folks, remember you heard it here first. The movie Spy Game is going to rock!!! Tony Scott directs Robert Redford in the story of a retiring CIA chief who uses his last day on the job to defy his superiors and bring the full power of the United States intelligence apparatus to bear on the rescue of a young agent (Brad Pitt) whose well-being Redford once sacrificed in favor of the intelligence interests of the United States. Sorry Adam, all talking, no shooting. I'm a little iffy on the Tony Scott of it all, but I can't freakin' wait anyway.
posted by LT2 2:05 PM ET | discuss | link

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Somehow, the O's always seems to know when I'm there. Went to Edison field last night to see my beloved Orioles take on the Angels. And my boys, even though they are deep in the throes of a 9-of-10 losing streak, came from behind to pull one out in the eighth off the bats of Mike Bordick and, unbelievably, Albert Belle of all people. Scott Erickson, who looked shaky through 4 innings, scattered nine hits for the win (actually, when he left, they were losing so probably he didn't get the win... so back off on those angry posts all you "I know more about sports than you do" chatters!). Only downside of the evening, Cal didn't play and we didn't know why. Anyone know? Personally, I am way too lazy to go look up stats on a 14-hours-old game, but I know you sports geeks are out there. Can I get a witness?
posted by LT2 1:08 PM ET | discuss | link

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Much as Harry Knowles and his howling geekiness disturbs me, I have to agree with his one-year past review of Star Wars in one specific way. He's dead on about young Anakin. His opinion on Jar Jar is still whacked and, if you really read it, incredibly freakin' stupid/cheesy. "Lots of minds are going to be changed about this lovable Gungan." Oh please.

And one other thing. Harry, c'mon! If I have to read "he couldn't of done this" or "he shouldn't of done that" one more time, I'm gonna puke. I mean what does that even mean? Didn't you learn anything about grammar in school? Or were you too busy eating?
posted by LT2 1:02 PM ET | discuss | link

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Another Wednesday, another polemic from The Angry Pen. This week's topic... Governmental Good Intentions.
posted by MES 12:00 PM ET | discuss | link

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Apparently, the Britons don't like it when Hollywood rewrites history. Go figure.
posted by MES 10:08 AM ET | discuss | link

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Curse you, El Macho!

posted by MES 12:05 AM ET | discuss | link

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Tuesday, May 16, 2000

G'day, Caesar! - interesting Salon article about the dialects in Gladiator
posted by MES 2:55 PM ET | discuss | link

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There's a featured article in the Hollywood Reporter today (which unfortunately I cannot link to) alleging that studio executives are getting nervous about their reliance on high-priced talent when it comes to their summer movie extravaganzas. Their reasoning? "reliance on big-name actors is far from the box office certainty it may once have been." OK, fine... I happen to think that, since the star money is spent way up front, there's a lot of variables that can be tweaked between the signing of the contract and the release of the film to guarantee an opening (script, effects, script, director, script, release date, script, marketing campaign, and script to name just a few), but let's go with their assumption that, once the star is paid, that's it. It's all up to the star to open the film.

Given this assumption, what "summer movie" performances does this reporter use to back up their claim that high-priced talent may not be the boon to the big summer tentpole movie that it used to be? Eyes Wide Shut (a long, cerebral drama), Random Hearts (a long BORING, cerebral drama that didn't even come out in the summer), Man on the Moon, and Bringing out the Dead. Is this reporter crazy? What does Eyes Wide Shut have to do with the potential box office of M:I-2!? Or Man on the Moon with Me, Myself, and Irene!?!? Any time you hear a studio executive say, "what's clear about a lot of the movie stars is their box office performance hasn't been commensurate with their price", it means that this studio executive has seen an early cut of his studio's summer movie and it sucks ass, so now he's gonna lay the groundwork for blaming his star for not being the kind of actor that "opens" a film so that he comes out smelling like a rose when the movie he championed for three years does a Hindenberg at the box office.

These people have no balls. If they just made good movies in the first place, no one would have to worry about this kind of crap.
posted by LT2 12:08 PM ET | discuss | link

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This is interesting. The Police didn't want to provide security for this year's HFStival because they disagree with the political stance of one of the bands (Rage Against the Machine), so HFS compromised by broadcasting a moment of silence yesterday in honor of National Peace Officer Memorial Day. Here's the article.
posted by MES 10:22 AM ET | discuss | link

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Monday, May 15, 2000

Fun activity for those of you who, like me, are sick to death of Ally McBeal. Maybe it's the whining, or the serious eating disorder, or like me, maybe she reminds you too much of the high-maintenance, neurotic insanities of an ex-girlfriend... Whatever your particular poison, this one's guaranteed to please. Plus, it harkens back to a gag Schwartz and I pulled on a cliché-prone teacher back in high school... to great comic effect.
posted by LT2 7:28 PM ET | discuss | link

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Adam and I were just having this exact conversation over lunch. Even though most of what we thought we knew is, according to this article, boolsheet, it's nice to see that the one piece of Van Halen related info. we care most about, that the band seems to be at least considering a DLR reunion, is true.
posted by LT2 6:48 PM ET | discuss | link

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Hey! Almost forgot this week's 1090's update... We tied... Again. And again, it was to an inferior team. We had, literally, dozens of solid shots on goal. Mary alone, had maybe ten shots pass within inches of the post. And I managed to get myself a nickname. I was playing defense, behind Damare' who was our first line of D. A ball came rolling into the zone and Dam started after it. But then looked up to see the other team's two enormous strikers (over six feet tall, maybe 200-250 pounds) bearing down on her like a couple of stampeding elephants. Suddenly she shouted "Lars, this one's yours!" and sprinted away in the other direction. So I, realizing I was already behind the curve, I took off runnig towards the ball. Seconds later, three feet impacted the ball at the same time and, when all was said and done, the two behemoths were lying on the ground and I alone was running down-field, the ball at my feet. So my new nickname is "The Train." Final score, 1-1.
posted by LT2 6:26 PM ET | discuss | link

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I too, have a Millionaire thing to bring up. On the cheater question... how could anyone not know, or at least not be able to figure out, that answer? I mean, I know it seems tough but it's very much a pop-culture related thing. Three clues (some much more subtle than others I admit) directed my brain to the Mel Gibson classic Braveheart, in which Mr. Gibson says the word Scotland almost as many times as he say FREEEDDDOOOMMM!!! By my count, this is somewhere in the neighborhood of 5,763 times.

1. Robert Bruce a.k.a. Robert The Bruce? Who could forget that name?
2. Bannockburn... Even if you don't remember that this is the first battle Mel and his guys win... No more Scottish name has ever been uttered than Bannockburn.
3. 1314 is the one and only date title you ever see in that movie.
posted by LT2 11:52 AM ET | discuss | link

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Lousy Millionaire Cheat! Well, I wasn't going to bring this up, but since Lars felt compelled to call me when he saw it (at 12:43am my time, but it's okay, he knew I was awake), I thought I'd provide the evidence. If you listen at the 19-second mark, you can clearly hear the phone-a-friend typing. Oh well. Even if she was cheating, she still got the answer impressively fast. That's gotta be worth $32K, ain't it?
posted by MES 1:35 AM ET | discuss | link

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Boy, am I drooling over the DVD of Fight Club. Read this review. My favorite supplement on Laser/DVD has always been audio commentaries, and this thing's got four of them! Plus lots and lots of other stuff. Comes out June 6, according to Amazon.
posted by MES 12:57 AM ET | discuss | link

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Interesting. On tonight's Millionaire, the two questions that sent contestants home were both mid-eighties comedy numerical trivia that Lars and I could answer in our sleep. Question the First, for $125,000: In the 1986 movie "Ferris Bueller's Day Off," how many times was Ferris really absent during the semester? Question the Second, for $64,000: In the movie "Back to the Future," what speed must the DeLorean reach in order to travel through time? (This "Einstein" got it wrong after using the 50-50, leaving 88 and 99.)
posted by MES 12:45 AM ET | discuss | link

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Here are a bunch of articles from Sunday's Post that I found interesting to one degree or another. I believe I'll list them in descending order of interest.

Here's an article discussing the historical (in)accuracies of Gladiator.

Here's a letter to the editor about the historical (in)accuracies of U-571.

Anyone trying to find cheap airline tickets on the web would do well to read this article.

Tony Kornheiser talks about personal space.

Handicapping the Veepstakes: Statistical model predicts the veep candidates.

Get the Gubmint Out of My Toilet!

When will the bubble burst? An article from the author of Irrational Exuberance.

Here's a review of The Advent of the Algorithm. Sounds like it might be an interesting book.

Ever wondered what "Address Service Requested" means? Probably not, but you can find out here.
posted by MES 12:23 AM ET | discuss | link

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