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Saturday, August 05, 2000
Have you heard about this guy who stowed away in the wheelwell of a 747 for 7-1/2 hours from Tahiti to L.A.? He ended up with a core temperature of 79 degrees, but he's doing okay now. Wow.
posted by MES 2:10 AM ET | discuss | link
You know, there are an awful lot of monkey references on The Simpsons.
posted by MES 12:56 AM ET | discuss | link
Friday, August 04, 2000
Lades and gentlemen… welcome to the Universal Amphitheatre! Where tonight’s theme is “Look at me! I may be 39, but I’ve still got great tits!!!” Many cows (and whatever animal produces polyurethane) died to bring you this performance.Everybody deserves to have a good time. Everyone deserves a chance to relive the good times. Even aging rockers who are ten years past their prime and twenty pounds over their fighting weight. And we did. As far as I could tell, everyone at the Universal Amphitheatre for Poison’s Power to The People Tour last night, was doing that in spades.
I gotta tell ya, it’s kinda fun to see women who maybe should’ve hung up the skin tight rubber pants in a previous decade, at a venue where they feel confident enough about their bodies to, quite literally, let it all hang out. Why should the Britney Spears teeny-boppers get to have all the fun? I haven’t seen that much cleavage since the battle sequences in Braveheart.
Poison is touring with three other heavy-hitting bands from the hair metal era, and even with three set-ups and an early 6:15 start, Slaughter, Dokken, Cinderella, and the headliners put on a lean and mean show that clocked in at just under 5 hours.
Adam and I arrived a little late, and so we were only on hand to catch two Slaughter songs, but they were the two biggest, Fly to The Angels and Up all Night (Sleep all Day). I’ve seen Slaughter before, as a headliner, and this night they seemed a little off their game. Being the opener of a four band tour seemed to take some of the lift out from under their wings. They didn’t quite have the (at this point sparse) audience wrapped around their finger, the way they did at the smaller, more intimate Key Club last year.
Dokken was next. I don’t know much about Dokken. If Don Dokken walked up to me, said “Hi, I’m Don Dokken”, and kicked me in the nuts, I’d still ask to see his ID. After running through a few of their classic tunes, they played their new single “The Maddest Hatter”, which is sure to begin a rapid climb up the pop charts any day now.
Adam commented that the title would have made a perfect Spinal Tap song. “Think abou’ it Nigel. He’s lok, the Maddest ‘Atter. Ask yo’self, how much mohr mad could he be? And the ahnswer is… nohn. Nohn mohr mad.”
When I stopped laughing, and realized there was nothing left to do but listen to Dokken, I went for a 7 dollar beer.
Cinderella came on deck next and I gotta tell ya, they very nearly stole the show. They are a really good band. Not sure why it never happened for them. Adam thinks it's the name. I think that maybe, as good as they are, Cinderella never found its identity. They really are an amalgam of other bands. The lead singer looks, sounds, and dances exactly like Steven Tyler. With his black gunslinger’s hat, leather vest, and twelve string acoustic, the guitarist does a fine Richie Sambora impersonation. Adam though they sounded like a mix of The Black Crowes and Janis Joplin. And I wasn’t sure how to resolve the clashing images of candles and Persian rugs alongside fireworks and the giant neon Cinderella banner hanging in the background.
But damn, they sounded great.
And then, the longest break of the evening as Poison got set to rock the house.
Nothing has as much potential energy as an empty rock stage. A couple hundred square feet of space that in minutes will be thundering with noise and insane rock stars running around like headless chickens. Damn, it’s electric.
That’s what I miss about hair metal. It was all about noise, and sex, and having a good time. Ever actually see a Rage Against the Machine, or a Limp Bizkit concert? Great bands, but their shows look anything but fun. They are angry, dismal, rough, and loud. They don’t look like events that women with 36DDD’s struggling to escape sequined bikini tops and long bare legs balanced on seven inch heels could ever hope to survive. But at the Amphitheatre, those women were more aggressive about getting close to the action than any of the guys I saw that night.
The other great thing about hair metal is the theatre of it all. Shakespeare would’ve loved this genre. In hair metal, the “show” is the thing. Fireworks, candles, ramps for guitarists to run around on… this night had it all. Couple things you’d never see at a Korn concert: You’d never see a lead singer (Don Dokken) sing “I gave her a last chance” while counting theatrically to five on his fingers, and shrugging through an ear-to-ear grin… or “The tears fall like rain” as he reaches a hand out to the audience, fingers splayed, then closes it into a fist and puts it over his heart. He’s so sensitive, that Don.
I saw Korn live, and all they ever did was give me the finger.
The progressive volume of any multi-act show, particularly one with four bands on the bill, can best be described by a “<” sign. And by the time Poison hit the stage, the room was absolutely apoplectic. Poison has always been a fun, if silly band, and last night they lived up to what I used to watch on MTV, back when there was actually some “M” in MTV, this was. C.C. Deville was back with the band for the first time on the Universal stage since the disastrous MTV Music Awards appearance on the exact same stage in 1992. C.C.’s drunken, stoned non-performance reduced Poison’s set that night to an aborted half-song, and ultimately led to a C.C./Brett Michaels back stage fist fight and a break-up of the band. C.C. is still a lunatic, but at least he’s back to playing the right songs.
But rest assured, there were a couple of scary moments. When the rest of the band left the stage to let C.C. do his guitar solo, C.C. stopped after only a few seconds and announced that he was going to sing his own song entitled “I hate every bone in your body, but mine”, and I thought “Oh shit, Brett has no idea what this nut is doing and this band is going to break up again, right here on this stage.” But then the lights came back up and the band returned to help C.C. belt out his “passion project.”
Second scariest moment came when Brett said “I don’t care what these motherfuckers in security say, I’m bringin’ all you people up here with me for this one.”
Rule one to surviving a concert riot, is don’t be up front. Having broken that rule, Adam and I exchanged a look that said “Oh Shit” as the crowd surged and thousands of fans crowded down towards the "mosh pit"… and me and Adam. Eventually the pressure equalized, and even though the crowd was huge and tightly-packed, it never felt dangerous, and I was left to enjoy the feeling of silicone breasts pushing against me from all sides, and wonder why I’d decided to pay extra for the good seats.
Anyway, this tour will continue for a year, when it will return again to So. Cal. I suggest you see it when it hits your town if 80’s hair metal revival is your thing. You won’t get nothin’ but a good time!
posted by LT2 7:01 PM ET | discuss | link
Alright!!! Now that's the kind of rumpus I like to see! Discussion on the Blog. Yee-haw!!!
posted by LT2 6:47 PM ET | discuss | link
Whether you're pro- or anti-gun-control, I think this talk by John Lott, author of More Guns, Less Crime will probably be interesting. It's on BookTV on C-Span2 tomorrow night at 12:25am EDT (9:25pm PDT).
posted by MES 4:52 PM ET | discuss | link
First off, the article is labelled as "News Analysis", not "News". So I think it's supposed to go beyond just the plain facts. Second, I don't know if Richard Berke is a leftie or a rightie (neither does this guy), so I don't know if he's trying to "hold onto power." But part of his point is that Bush is talking more like a liberal, and speaking in generalities, to avoid offending the swing voters, while leaving out his conservative policy details. The quote from Torricelli says, "The Republicans have succeeded in projecting an image that is not only at total variance with their record but in contradiction of their own platform." So, yes, it would be a "good thing for the lefties" if Bush moves more toward center, as long as it's not all talk.
posted by MES 4:46 PM ET | discuss | link
The New York Times is such a liberal rag, I swear to god!!!We're always hearing from the Left how the Republican Party is too radically right wing. So fine, George W. gets up in front of the RNC and announces a new Republican Party more solidly in the kinder, gentler middle, and here's what you get on the Front Page of the New York Times...
"FRONT AND (VERY MUCH) CENTER
By RICHARD L. BERKE
Close your eyes and Gov. George W. Bush on Thursday night could have been Bill Clinton without the punch -- or Al Gore without the precision."Two problems... I thought this was supposed to be a good thing for you Lefties. Happier, more liberal Republicans is good for your cause right? Oh no, it's not, cuz then it makes your candidates look less "special" doesn't it? I see what this is about... Holding onto power, not advancing your cause.
And secondly, am I crazy or is this an op-ed piece? "Bill Clinton without the punch"? "Al Gore without the precision"? Well, that's one way to put it... a decidedly left wing one.
What the hell is this doing on the front page of a newspaper's website that bills itself as "all the news that's fit to print"?
My ass.
posted by LT2 3:56 PM ET | discuss | link
Never let it be said that The Pen does not give equal time to the other side. Here's an article on California's power shortage. Although I maintain that I have seen no evidence of it myself.
posted by LT2 1:52 PM ET | discuss | link
Well, there's lots of movies opening this weekend (3 major releases) so I'm guessing you would all love to have my help in choosing which film you should see.OK, here goes...
Coyote Ugly. Only two reasons to see this movie. T and A. But since neither seems to be in the film to any large degree (it got a PG-13 rating), I predict disappointment for all who dare to pay for this one.
Hollow Man, got an outstanding review from my assistant Sascha, whose opinion I trust because he knows movies. Problem is, I think he liked it because the effects were amazing, and the action "sort of good", so as long as you're not expecting The Matrix, you'll probably have a good time... at least.
But my pick of the week is Space Cowboys. The old salty dog flick is a genre I love. From Nobody's Fool, to Grumpy Old Men, to My Fellow Americans, there is nothing funnier, or more heart warming than watching a bunch of old guys tell each other to fuck off. And while the plot, and its resolution, may ultimately be hackneyed and clicheed, I'm guessing that we'll all come away from this one with a warm spot in our hearts, and hey, that's gotta be worth at least eight bucks... right?
posted by LT2 1:47 PM ET | discuss | link
Sorry. The Chat Board seems to be down at the moment. I'm sure it will be back soon. Don't take the Forbidden message personally.
posted by MES 12:38 PM ET | discuss | link
The reviews are in...The Wazz calls 3LP "Moe's Tavern on the Web."
Thanks buddy!
posted by LT2 12:02 PM ET | discuss | link
Thursday, August 03, 2000
The Laaz is checking out for the day at 4:30 PM, bankers hours my friends. On my way to The Universal Ampitheatre for a stellar quadruple bill of Cinderella, Dokken, Slaughter, and Poison.Feel free to leave me a message while I'm gone, and be sure to... talk dirty to me!
Review to follow.
posted by LT2 7:11 PM ET | discuss | link
Hey now, easy on the Cheney voting record thing, Schwartz. Like cigarette studies, for every point made on one side, I'll show you a contray point that shows something completely different. Read George Will's interpretation of that very same voting record.Most important paragraph: "The Gore campaign is a jalopy with one gear--fear overdrive. Hence the manic attempt to convince the country that Dick Cheney is Mussolini without the rhetorical flair. Cheney ("a good guy," said Al Gore when a senator) is supposedly frightening because, for example, when serving "with distinction" (according to George Mitchell when he was the Democrats' Senate leader) in Congress, Cheney, like many others, opposed economic sanctions against South Africa as ineffective and injurious to blacks. And because of his congressional voting regarding abortion and guns (which was not dramatically different from Gore's voting back then)."
Also keep in mind that it has become acceptable in modern politics for politicians to suggest that because a given congressperson voted against, say, a large spending bill that included a tiny appropriation for school lunches, that this suggests that said congressperson is against children eating lunch... which is misleading and unfair. You gotta check out the context of some of these votes before you decide that they point to Cheney being a bad man.
posted by LT2 3:42 PM ET | discuss | link
Well, Thursday's here again, and as you know, that (usually) means it's time for a visit from The Angry Pen. So, join The Pen as this week he turns a bit introspective and examines The American Dream.
posted by MES 3:17 PM ET | discuss | link
I don't know much about Dick Cheney, but I did find his voting record to be interesting reading.
posted by MES 3:14 PM ET | discuss | link
Yesterday I saw a longer trailer for Charlie's Angels. This is either going to be a tremendous, entertaining hit, or the worst piece of chop-socky crap ever made. The trailer is jam-packed with Matrix-style Kung-Fu fighting. (in the hours since posting this, I have learned, from The Schwartz, that the same martial artist trained both The Angels and The Matrix folks)
posted by LT2 3:03 PM ET | discuss | link
Check out this ad for Pampers. Outstanding.(A better, longer, more cute-animal-packed version is currently running on the networks)
posted by LT2 2:59 PM ET | discuss | link
Bill Clinton has very little shame. We know that. But it's one thing to be torn down by the likes of Newt Gingrich. Quite another to be criticized intelligently and succinctly by a dude as serious as Dick Cheney. This is a serious man of government. This man has weighed the costs of dropping bombs on other human beings and found them to be acceptable. This man has worked with Presidents going back 35 years to Gerald Ford. This man has stared down hostile agents of foreign governments and said "not on my watch." Alright so I'm being a little over-dramatic, but I like to think that somehwere deep down inside, Bill Clinton is bothered when he hears a man like Dick Cheney say, without flair, hyperbole, or exaggeration:"When I look at the administration now in Washington, I am dismayed by the opportunities squandered, saddened by what might have been but never was. These have been years of prosperity in our land, but little purpose in the White House."
and
"They came in together, now let us see them off together. Ladies and gentlemen, the wheel has turned, and it is time. It is time for them to go."
I know it gave me a shiver.
posted by LT2 2:32 PM ET | discuss | link
You know, Molly Ivins is a great writer, it's true. But she's also guilty of the exact same kinds of things she accuses Republicans of doing, and that is, using stories told by one partisan side to boost her point. And so I feel compelled to point out some recent untruths in her articles lambasting the cornerstones of the Republican Party platform, deregulation, and lower taxes.Point one was made by Molly this very week. Says she, "You will have noticed that California, the first state to deregulate utilities, is now in a desperate bind for electricity, with rolling blackouts around the state and the bills up by 100 percent." Not true at all. This makes it sound like we're all living in caves like Morlocks terrified of the sun. "Rolling Blackouts"... oooh, sounds so dramatic. I don't know a single person, and I know 'em all over the state (even a few black people who do not live in Beverly Hills), who has experienced a blackout this summer, and the only sign that electricity use is up at all, are those yearly ads the power company puts out urging you to think about how and when you use power. Also, it's been damn hot in Southern California of late. If there are power shortages, couldn't it be because it's so goddman hot, and not because of some vast right wing conspiracy to deprive us of power and drive up our rates.
Oh and by the way, I've noticed that, if anything, my gas and electric bills have been cheaper of late.
Second point was made last week. Says she, "The very first thing that the R's chose to do with the budget surplus was vote to abolish the estate tax -- a shameless payoff to rich campaign contributors." This is a typical argument of the Lefties. Because they know we simpletons outside the Beltway equate the word "Estate" with the words "Stinking Rich", they use these kinds of tax cuts to poke at that annoying little class warfare button we all have. The one that causes words like "inheritance" to grate on us like a canker sore that just won't go away.
Almost everyone inherits something. And everything you inherit has been paid for over and over and over again. The Government, for the longest time now, has believed that you ought to pay them some more of it, just because that money goes from Grannies account, to yours. What's so wrong about our elected representatives wanting to change that peculiar morbidity? Is it simply the fact that most of them are rich, white men that bothers Molly, I wonder? Somebody should let her know that the average Democratic Senator is at least as rich as any Republican. Difference is they live in the Hamptons rather than Midland, Texas.
Now it's true that the size of the inheritances rich people receive is quite a bit larger than what the rest of us get, and so they benefit from the tax cut a little more, but so what? If that's really what bothers you, then make the tax cut progressive, just like income tax, and make larger inheriters continue to pay at a lesser rate.
But if your goal is not fairness, but some desperate attempt to use class warfare to make sure your party holds on to power, well then shut the hell up because I, for one, am tired of it.
That's not the point Molly, and you know it.
posted by LT2 12:07 PM ET | discuss | link
I was out at a bar called The Three of Clubs last night with a group of friends, and somehow we got onto the subject of ghost stories. Well, before you could say "bleeding corpse of dead grandma gliding across the ceiling", we'd been there for two hours exchanging stories of supernatural goings on. It was so much fun, that I decided to try an induce a similar "happeneing" here on the blog. I'll start things off over on the chat board, but plase feel free to go on over and add your own tale of horror.Oh, and one more thing, they better be scary, because I won't hesitate to let you know if I've coughed up scarier stuff.
posted by LT2 1:22 AM ET | discuss | link
Wednesday, August 02, 2000
I believe this is self-explanatory. The proper order in which to watch these threee blue linked videos is left to right.
posted by LT2 2:02 PM ET | discuss | link
This review of Coyote Ugly deserves a link for its use of the noun "Craptacular." Which is almost as funny as Laaz's made-up word... "Assholery."Almost.
posted by LT2 11:31 AM ET | discuss | link
Good news for fans of the long-running process evolution! Kansas' school board just underwent a little natural selection.
posted by MES 10:08 AM ET | discuss | link
Tuesday, August 01, 2000
Because I'm a slave to a grind that doesn't wind down until damn near 10:30 Eastern Time, I missed Dennis Miller's debut on MNFB. I plan to have cable in my office before the actual season starts, but I'm interested any reviews from you right coasters who might have caught the show.
posted by LT2 1:13 PM ET | discuss | link
The Republicans have done a brilliant thing... on the order, this is, of Bill Clinton's decision to play the sax while addressing a live MTV audience. Last night, I was watching WWF Raw is War and I got to see the WWF's roving reporter at the actual Republican Convention in Philly, doing live interviews before and after each commercial break. Seeing Republican delegates talking to a WWF reporter and Linda McMahon, matriarch of the WWF, was pretty goddamn funny. And to associate the Republican party with a "sport of the people" like pro wrestling, was brilliant. So, to whichever Republican decided it would be a good idea to let the WWF into the convention, Laaz says, stroke of genius man! Rock on!
posted by LT2 11:58 AM ET | discuss | link
Did you know that the Chinese have executed 18,000 people since 1990, for everything from shoplifting, to drug traficking, to tax evasion? Says so right there in that bastion of truth, the LA Times. They are averaging 3 a day this year! And they do them in public, too! They parade the condemned through these filled-to-capacity stadiums, then string the poor bastards up and shoot 'em in the noggin, right there in front of everybody. Pretty unbelievable.On a lighter note, did you know that the average 36C breast weighs one pound!
posted by LT2 11:29 AM ET | discuss | link
As I mentioned back in May, the excellent, but cancelled, Fox show Action, is being resurrected on FX, which is showing the five unaired episodes, starting tonight at 10:30. My TiVo's set!
posted by MES 12:51 AM ET | discuss | link
Monday, July 31, 2000
Hee-hee, I guess flattery will get you everywhere. Or at least get you a link!
posted by MES 9:22 PM ET | discuss | link
I don't think I've ever mentioned it before, but my favorite blog, by far, is Q Daily News, by Queso, or Jason, or whoever he is. It's not one of those fluffy, super-personal blogs filled with references no one else will get (such as, say, ours). It's full of lots of useful, thought-provoking, links. For instance, check out the open letter to Netscape that he links to, which I totally agree with. He also links to the StinkyFeet project (a followup to the StinkyMeat project, which I haven't checked out yet); he links to a Microsoft KB article about an IE 5.5 problem that has been driving me nuts, a great link to George W. Bush's procalamation of Jesus Day (the hell?!?), and lots lots more. All of that was in the last three or four days. Do yourself a favor, and check it out.
posted by MES 6:13 PM ET | discuss | link
Just when you thought Hollywood couldn't sink any lower:Variety is reporting that Columbia just paid "high six figures" for a pitch, not a script, but a PITCH!!! mind you, entitled "Ten Things I Hate About Clueless Roadtrips When I Can't Hardly Wait to Be Kissed."
For the love of God, "how do I get out of this chicken-shit outfit?"
By the way, the word is that with this impending SAG strike coming up early next year, the mandate at the studios is to rush seven movies into production, regardless of whether they are ready to do so or not. Apparently, this happened 15 years ago during the last strike and the films that wound up produced during that era were called "The Dirty Seven" because they were so bad. So, I guess that means we can pretty much write off the 2002 movie season.
posted by LT2 4:21 PM ET | discuss | link
I feel compelled to jump in and add the details of the Big Brother prank since, in a roundabout way, it involves me. I had been speaking the night before with Tony about getting a giant sling shot (one of those super-duper ones made out of surgical tubing) and firing waterballons with news stories attached. I thought the idea was so funny, that I brought it up with Schwartz the following morning.Later that afternoon, I got an e-mail from schwartz saying "you're not gonna belive this, but...." I laughed and thought, wow, memes are powerful things, and walked off down the hall to see one of the agents. When I got to her office, she was laughing on the phone and said "I can't believe you did that." I mouthed "what happened?" and she said "two of my writers pulled a prank on Big Brother."
I said "Holy shit, I know exactly what happened, I just saw it on the live feed" (OK, so I Lied). And she said "Oh, you know Matt and Caleb (which I did, and do) jump on the phone." So I did, and they told me the whole story. First, a friend signed them onto the CBS Radford lot, where they did some recon to figure out exactly where the house was. Surprised, and happy to find that it was built right up against the outside wall, they left the lot and pulled their friend's RV around the the house side of the lot, where they proceeded to toss the offending article over the wall. They threw 8, but I gather only 2 made it inside (nice throwing guys). Then they went back to the RV to watch the mayhem and to call CBS news and take responsibility.
Gotta hand it to CBS, they actually put Matt and Caleb on their 11 o'clock news broadcast.
Nice goin' dudes!
posted by LT2 9:49 AM ET | discuss | link
The Call From the Wild - Interesting article about how cell phones get nature lovers out of—and into—trouble.
posted by MES 3:10 AM ET | discuss | link
Sunday, July 30, 2000
Big Brother fans, I'm sure, heard about last week's prank. (If not, read this, this, and this.) Well, now you can take a look at the actual fake articles. They're quite impressive. I love how the paper is crinkled underneath the Clinton article. Nice detail.The housemates weren't given the time to read the entire articles, but if you thought George started crying over the Clinton article, imagine if he had read the entire Mega/Puff article, which included the lyrics, "I'm not the one who popped his homie with a damn shotgun!" That would've been quite a scene, I imagine.
posted by MES 11:19 AM ET | discuss | link
