Day 10: Wednesday 18 Oct 2000
Perfume Pagoda, Hanoi

This entry posted on:
20 OCT 2000 at 0750	Vietnam
20 OCT 2000 at 0050	UTC
19 OCT 2000 at 2050	EDT
19 OCT 2000 at 1750	PDT

We got up really, really early this morning, like 0530 early. And what does the "O" stand for? "Oh my god, it's early." We must've really wanted to go to the Perfume Pagoda. And I guess we did. We had a really great recommendation from Susan and Phillip, but really had no idea what to expect. Our bus picked us up at 7 am, and from there we went to pick up the rest of our tour-mates. An Irishman named Norman, Mark from the Netherlands, and three native Vietnamese girls, one of whom currently resides in Austin, Texas. We drove for two hours along some of the worst roads I've seen yet. At some points, we were forced down below five miles an hour as we dodged huge pot-holes. Our driver was swerving from one edge of the road to the other and it was hard not to constantly be on guard for huge bumps, and yet still, every now and then I would lose my concentration and get smacked in the head by the window on a particularly nasty bump. As we pulled up to the boat ramp, our guide Kien (he mentioned, ominously I thought, that in English his name means "vengeful") warned us that we were going to be pursued by kids wanting to sell us stuff. "No problem", we thought, we've been to the Marble Mountains, among other places, we can take it. We got onto these tiny little metal canoes with two wooden benches for four passengers in each one and started out for the pagoda, an hour's boat ride away. About twenty minutes in, the rope holding one of our driver's oars to the boat snapped. And then, just as the driver of our other group boat tried to backtrack to help out, his right oar snapped in half. So, there we were, 'bout ten miles past the middle of nowhere, in the middle of a river, with two broken boats. Well, someone came up with some spare twine, which allowed us to fix the oar that had come detached from the boat. But the only solution for the broken oar was to chain that boat to the back of our boat and tow it behind us. Well, both Mike and I were already complaining about the incredible soreness of our bony American asses, and didn't like the idea of prolonging the ride. I do have to say, though, that the area through which our boat trip took us featured some of the most spectacular scenery we've seen yet. A wide clear river with lily pad fields and palm trees on either side, framed by enormous limestone mountains jutting right out of the river banks. I'm not sure how this happened... perhaps I was delirious from butt pain and just didn't see it, but at some point, the driver of the other boat came up with a replacement oar, and after an hour or so, we arrived at the bottom of the Perfume Pagoda Mountain. Which was where we ran into the legend of the Perfume Pagoda Attack Deer, which were a species of small, particularly ornery horned deer trained by the ancient monks to defend against pagoda intrusion with a vicious leaping attack... Ok ok, I'm making this up... but it sure is a funny picture, ain't it? So there we were, facing an hour-long climb over a couple kilometers and 1,000 feet of elevation before reaching our prize. We did it, humidity and all, and arrived at the entrance to the pagoda tired as hell and soaked in sweat. But it was so worth it. We were on top of one of the largest of the limestone mountains, with nothing but great views of the Vietnamese countryside on three sides, and an enormous cave on the fourth. This was the Perfume Pagoda, a beautifully formed cavern named a Buddhist holy land in the 16th century by three monks looking for a place to start a new sect.    The cave is full of altars and statues and people making offerings of money, fruit, and incense. Not being the religious types, Mike and I chose to offer incense, and that only because Kien gave us some for free. There is also a series of stalagmites with water dripping down them that people travel thousand of miles to touch for the prizes you can supposedly win for your trouble. One is said to grant you children, one money, and a third is supposed to grant--I'm not making this up--bigger tits. Joking around with Mark, I handed him my empty water bottle and suggested he bring back a bottle full for his girlfriend. On the hike down, Mike and I got separated from the group and wound up alone at the bottom. Now, remember that warning from Kien about kids wanting to sell you stuff? Well this one kid, Viet, had been following us all day, fanning us, giving us directions, and generally making sure we were OK. Well, we wanted to tip him a couple bucks, but he wound up scamming us for five. Not sure how it happened, but I blame exhaustion from the climb, combined with poor negotiation tactics/decision making. Finally, after touring the monastery where the Perfume Pagoda Monks live and study, it was back on the hard wooden benches of the boats for the return trip. Uuuuuuuuggghhhh!!!! My poor tortured ass. But like I said, at least the scenery was nice. Not that the scenery made my ass feel any better about the situation. And then it was back in the bus for the ride back to Ha Noi and dinner. We ate in a restaurant called Little Hanoi, which was a little expensive, but very tasty. Dinner ended, we decided to do some shopping, but we were surprised to learn that Ha Noi, cool as it is, is even lamer than Los Angeles in that everything closes at ten pm. So, we went on back to our hotel, with a quick stop at a small snack shop where we bought Choco-Pies for dessert. Choco-pies...what a time to be alive....

On to Day Eleven...

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